Well , I am back to blogging . I figured out that I really need to catch up on myself and I only let it all out through here . Yes , through my dear blog . I abandoned it because of my past , I don't want to recall those moments anymore and also because of my daily life , getting busier as days past . Well , busier or lazier , God knows . So , I wanted to blog again because I want to change and by blogging , I know myself more . It sounds weird but oh well , I am born to be weird . Haha . So , holidays have started and I have done nothing good , at all . Well , my holiday homework are still screaming my name , pleading me to do them but I ignored . I have to work on that soon , better keep that in mind . I went to a concert at ITE Simei recently , and well , it was good but friggin' awkward . And when I say awkward , I really do mean , awkward . Enough with the boring daily stuffs , like anybody is gonna read my shit .__. It's just me here . Haha .

So , the big thing . I fought with my mum yesterday . I cried for hours . I didn't know what was wrong with me . It all started when my dad had his moodswing . He slammed the door and hit things . Well , I'm used to it . He was mad just because he had nothing to eat . Well , kind of childish , but that's my dad . My mum , on the other hand , was irritated by him and vent it out on me . I was being scolded 24/7 everyday , eversince my holidays started . That's why I couldn't stay home , I'd go out even if I'm alone . Well , I don't find it fair . People find it peaceful at home but for me , I really dont know what peaceful means anymore . I can't recall a day that my family would just gather around and have fun together . Those days are history . I try to e patient , doing the things they ask me to . I help them with chores , I do things for them , I dont watch tv much so that they won't be angry but still , they do these to me . Like , okay , I can take it if you nag but if you say bad things about your own child to a person . Like , she never does anything . Never - that is a strong word and I'd rather you use , sometimes or at times . I did those things but you wanted me to sound so useless . I have no idea what is your motive actually . So , she nagged . I told her ,
" Mum , please don't scold me anymore , you're the only one who understands me in the house . If you scold me like how they do , I really have no one to depend on . "

Well , she misunderstood . She said that she knows that she's only my foster mother . She can never know how I feel . But she means the world to me , that she doesn't know . I sat there crying , my vision was all blurry and my eyes were itchy , my nose were blocked , I couldn't breathe properly . I told her that I love her , and I never once wanted to lose her . I kissed her and I apologised , saying that it's all my fault . Then , I somehow lose my mind , like literally . I cried and in the middle of those cries , I laughed . I sat at the corner of the room , saying that I've gone crazy and pulled my hair . I have no idea why I did that , I really can't remember . I really lose control . I left my phone in my drawer . I didn't want to talk to anyone at that point of time . So , I was awake , crying for hours . I slept at around 4 . My eyes were so tiny , it's like I have no eyes at all , they were so red and sore . and my nose were so red and I keep coughing . Yesterday was a nightmare . A waking nightmare .

So , I guess that's all . Hah . And I deleted the previous posts I've posted throughout the years . . I can't stand how much people have changed , so yeah . I'll be back , I won't abandon you anymore , bloggy (: